Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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