I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
