maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Randomize
