Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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