If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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