Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
