Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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