You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
