I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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