you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
