I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
