DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
