remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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