I have demons in me.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize