I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
