drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
