New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
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It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
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My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
please don't ironically join a cult
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