Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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