Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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