i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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