Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
