i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Randomize
