Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
