so that wasnt chicken after all
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i already hear my dad disowning me
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
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Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
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apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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