I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
