gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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