I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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