i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
