i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
