Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
