Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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