dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
