everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
