Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
