I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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