You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
