I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Randomize
