if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
