The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Dicks are not precious.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
So apparently I’m into choking now
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
