So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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