Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
