I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
