How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
