Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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