You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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