I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
