I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
