Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
