please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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