just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
So. Much. Porn.
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