The maid of honor just puked.
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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