I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
