Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
