The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
