Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
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You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
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But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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