i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
