all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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