I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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