I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
