respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
