I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
