so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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