I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
