Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I think I just sharted jello shots
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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