Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
