so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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