so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
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just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
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I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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