I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize