Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
