he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
