She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize
