i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
